界限與否

這是瓦斯桶的著色畫。他的特色是圖樣界限是參考用，通通變大色塊。請注意，他開始寫名字嚕，只是G是反的，ST不見了，N變成了M。

接下來這位小姐，就是自由派的啦。

阿桶藝術展

這是阿桶的人形畫。最近他有點開竅，畫的東西也比較猜得出來是甚麼，請注意以下幾點。

1. 手指頭常常畫到太忘形，會突然有很多根。（嚇）

2. 左邊是畫給媽媽右邊是畫給爸爸的。下面還有他的簽名歐（就是那個藍圈圈加一橫線）！（羞）

3. 這兩張圖讓我想到台灣常常很流行的塗鴉書或人形像，我終於知道那些阿公為甚麼每次都嘴歪一邊的說“這係蝦米，三歲ㄤ仔都畫ㄟ比依卡好”。我沒有在批評歐。我可是很得意這兩張圖的捏。（傲）

Gaston's 'bonhomme' with his signatures (the blue circle with a line, at the bottom of the pics).

Bye 2009

2009 has been a joyful but difficult year for us. The most joyful event would be the arrival of Rosalie. Since the third trimester in January, however, Rosalie was diagnosed too small and I was forced to stop working (meaning I had to abandon my master students-- fortunately their reports came out fine). Still, little Rosalie decided to come five weeks earlier than planned, on the day before my scheduled checkup with the anesthetist. She was born ‘all naturally’ without epidural for this reason. On the retrospect, that’s actually the good part.

Being ‘semi-premature’, Rosalie stayed with, or more like, glue to me instead of going to the box in a ‘neonatal kangaroo care ward’. A bonheur you might say, except by the end of the 4th day I had developed eczema of Rosalie’s shape that impregnated on my torso (ah! Did I mention that it’s skin to skin and hence sweat to sweat?) G was in to take the relay in the first part of the night each evening, so I could have a little free time devouring some extra food for my exhausted body.

I was also worried for Gaston, who vomited on the D-day (I was actually cleaning the sheets while preparing for the hospital) and on the first sight meeting his little sister. We (nor the doctor) were not sure of what happened to him, but he was definitely not happy and missing his mama. On the 5th day, we were told that we might be able to be discharged early seeing Rosalie’s good progress. On that night, wanting to have a good rest badly, I put little Li-Li down to her cot for the first time in the night and was not taking her temperature like a maniac as previous days. That was probably why her weight dropped again-- she used the energy to keep her warm instead. I know it’s probably due to hormonal emotions that I exploded in tears when learning I had to stay one more day in the hospital, but I was really worried for Gaston’s behavior and was fed up with the window view from my ward. Finally, we were out. Gaston became much calmer and is very fond of his little sister. Rosalie grew up in a rocket speed, and still does.

Another big event was Gaston started his preschool and I retook my professional activities, which means Rosalie went to her child minder for the day. It started out fine, we had a tight daily schedule but it’s working. After a while, though, Gaston became very difficult in the evenings and started to have night terror crises. Rosalie, on the other, was not much better either. She started out fine but soon after she refused to eat and became very much attached to me (physically) in the evenings. Her child minder was complaining of her being difficult and even hinting to 'discharge' her (yes, you're reading it correctly... this is a nanny-deficit world). Neither of them was sleeping well in the night, hence nor us. And, did I say we are working full time!!!

After a little nervous breakdown (me), a papa-disfigured night terror (G+Gaston) and two angry/anxious ladies’ manifestations (Rosalie + her nanny), we changed again our plan. We guessed we have overestimated Gaston’s capabilities in coping strict school structures, especially the ‘after school garderie care’ and decided to pick him up right after school at 16h40. We restarted another phase of re-adaptation for Rosalie at her nounou's, meaning picking her up earlier, too. G and I alternated our working hours by one who leaves earlier, came back earlier for the evening chores. I am in charge of improvising Rosalie’s lunch to make sure she got all the nutrition she needs. Although it is still not a perfect solution, although I still would like to work a bit more, although, for one reason or another, we still need more sleep…, we think it was a good alternative after all.

On a whole, our new life seems crazy with all these impossible barriers and my professional life is being sabotaged by my own children (!). I rather think that these are challenges here to train us, to make me enter another phase of capacity (oh~, I am obviously writing this on a 'bright-mood' day.).

Finally, I would like to use this opportunity to thank those of you who encouraged me by leaving a message on this blog, mail, msn or plurk..., when I was not so well... I am sure I came out of it positively because of your kind words! Happy holidays to all of you. :-)

這就是兩個天使般的搗蛋鬼~~

拋夫棄子出差去

夏天，很興奮的在加拿大跟台灣的同事討論合作計畫，現在時間越來越近，計畫敲定，中心的行政文件備齊，該訂購的化學品送件，機票也定好了，開始準備報告投影片。可是，我的心還是很遲疑的想留在這邊跟瓦斯桶還有他爸爸在一起。這不是我一直偷偷私心期待的嗎?有一天可以不用管生活瑣事，不用追著小桶桶脫衣服換大便穿褲子，不再十點不到就累癱在沙發上跟桶爸爸兩個人怨嘆生活的品質在哪裡，不用想衛生紙垃圾袋洗衣精已經用完要再去買，可以天天吃想吃的台灣美食還不用自己做，可以看電視(沒錯，我們現在已經將電視時間改為陪小子閱讀時間)，可以看電影(啊，奢侈的享受)，可以……

哎哎，三個星期，就當我跟未來的小小花(或小小桶)快樂相處*(在實驗室)的美好時光吧(你哥哥當時也是有同樣的待遇啊)。

*可憐的他，每天總是不小心被他動不停的哥哥腳踹一下或手壓一下，嚇死我了。

Soon, I will have my first business trip and away from my family for 3 weeks. It's a mixture of feelings so far. I am excited to achieve my professional prospects but reluctant to be away for so long. Positive thinking will be that at least I will have some quality time with the future baby without having to share with Gaston's kickboxing on my belly (though accidentally)and start (about time!) to enjoy some 'joie de ma grossesse.'

給羿東的信 A letter for Gaston: On your birthday!

東東啊，今天是你兩歲的生日，兩歲了，真快啊。你有什麼特別的感覺嗎?還是很驕傲今年終於可以吹熄去年還不知道怎麼吹的蠟燭。

媽媽想在你兩歲的生日這天，跟你說一些話，跟你分享這兩年來我們相處的點點滴滴。

兩年前的今天，爸爸媽媽一起在產房迎接你，媽媽還記得之前因為快中午了，所有的醫生護士都決定先去吃午飯，留我一個人在產房，胡亂翻著一本書等大家吃飽，記得這是講一個印度小朋友單獨跟一隻老虎在一艘救生船上飄流大海的故事*。後來，你出來了，臍帶一剪，就直接放在我的身上，我跟爸爸高興得完全忘記四周的世界，兩個鐘頭好像兩分鐘一下子就過去了。還記得，在回病房的當下，我突然有著生小孩真容易的天真念頭，根本沒想到，挑戰才剛剛開始呢。

我們前幾個獨處的夜晚，是很難忘的。你吃不到奶，一直在大哭，我也不知道該怎麼辦，偏偏這個醫院的育兒護士又沒什麼耐心與餵母奶的專業，我又餓又累，想必你也是，只好給你吸我的手指頭，最後，看到你吸到哭到嘴巴都乾了嘴唇都皺了，只能抱著你大哭，想像我們兩個好像在漫漫汪洋中求生存。(當然，哭完了，還是咬緊牙，撐下去。)

現在，你會跑會跳會說話，會跑來抱我大腿親我臉撒嬌，好像才不久前，你還是這麼一丁點有嚴重黃疸很無助(可是脾氣還是很大)的瘦小猴。

現在你懂的會的越來越多，可是也開始發現越來越多的限制，不能看太多電視，吃太多巧克力，吃太快，吃太多，亂丟東西，太晚睡覺。有的時候，你會很生氣的大吼大叫賴在地上抗議，我知道你覺得很不公平，可是，知道我們的行為界限是你該學的很重要的一件事。當然，有的時候，媽媽也有失去耐心，跟你發飆的時候。記不記得我們那次吵架，後來講和的過程，媽媽跟你說的一句話，就是雖然你做錯事媽媽很生氣很傷心，可是，媽媽還是很愛你的。你一聽到這句話，馬上就停止哭泣給我一個擁抱，原來，你這麼怕我們不愛你，你錯了，爸爸媽媽對你的愛是不變的、是沒有條件的。

其實，不只是你，我們也在學習，學習怎樣相處，學習怎樣教育，自從你的到來，我更加注意自己的言行，會想我有沒有給你一個好的榜樣，有沒有言行一致，有沒有稱職。當媽媽是不容易的，可是，正因為當上了，我覺得我又學到很多東西。謝謝你，羿東。

你知道我最喜歡什麼時候嗎?就是賴床的週末清晨，你跑到我們床上，指著爸爸說 「le papa」, 指著我 「la 媽媽」，最後自己「et 東東」然後各親親我們一下，躺在我們的中間。啊!就是在這種時候，所有的不順心，都奇異地煙消雲散。

祝你生日快樂~

註 “Life of Pi” 當然，在那個時候，不太能靜下來看書，不過，讀完之後才覺得，這本書還選得真好。

媽媽 我愛你

最近生活重新調整成母子相依模式，百事待舉。本來要寫些什麼的，實在沒辦法。感謝桶桶今天六點就起床，終於可以把他說"媽媽我愛你"* 的錄影放上來。 (雖然聽起來實在很像--媽媽ㄟ米)

Gaston says 'maman, je t'aime' (in mandarin)